f-ing gonutz

I'm not going to lie to you, this commercial jingle used to get stuck in my head on the regular until my college years:



This catchy hosanna finally went on furlough in the turntable of my mind until a few days ago when a friend ordered fried gnocchi at a restaurant. It tasted to me like, well, a bowl of donuts.

Let's talk about this commercial. First of all, I love that Coach No Sport gets right behind this product. Second of all, I like the baritone donut that foghorns "dough-licious." Most of all, this verse alone is a total touchdown:

They look like powdered donuts do
Taste like powdered donuts, too
Yeah donuts!

It reminds me of the commercial my father wrote for a product called The Buttoneer.

The problem with buttons is they always come off.
The problem with buttons is they ALWAYS come off.

Overall, I am tempted to tailor the Donutz campaign to fit my new favorite breakfast food: The Kiwi Berry.

My local produce market just started carrying them. They are essentially baby kiwis without the regular kiwi gorilla suit covering. You can jam them whole like, well, donut holes. I feel like pulling the random coach in my life aside and singing a brainwashed dancy ditty about them. But if we are gonna get serious here, my actual attitude toward the kiwi berry discovery is more along the lines of the profanely satisfied customers in the Mr. Show "Ding Dong Burger" commercial. (Warning: This video contains all kinds of filthy language. NSFW.)